Porn is love you can see.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
