She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
