I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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