Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
