If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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