Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
