so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
