Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize