We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
