Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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