My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
