I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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