where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize