Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
