i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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