were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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