they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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