i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
