i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And then my night got REAL pukey
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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