Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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