dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
