And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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