My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
