booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
they need to just BURY HIM!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
