"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
