U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
