were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
