Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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