evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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