Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So vagazzling was a success
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize