well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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