but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
