I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
