You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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