WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize