A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
