I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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