This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i out mim tonsoeep
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