I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
