That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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