i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
