have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
