It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
