She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
