So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
