I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
