His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
