cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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