just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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