So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
