i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
