I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
