I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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