why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize