Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
