Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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