i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
