none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
