do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
