if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
