Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
