Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
