I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
