after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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