Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
